I’ve seen a lot of people who, like me, are trans, queer, asexual among other things and who want to view the world as a binary good and bad as a result. The people who made things hard on us are bad, and we’re good for recognizing those power dynamics and fighting against them. And I gotta say it’s nowhere near that simple; I think that mindset leads to a severe lack of forgiveness, empathy, and understanding of others that does not allow for them to grow and better themselves.

One of the first ways I realized I was not like others was in being aro/ace. I did not know those terms or that others like me really existed. And I grew resentful of amatonormativity and sexual normativity, though I would not have called them those things then or even made the distinction between that and just regular romance and sexuality. I had no one to talk to about it, no concept of what it meant to not be a straight cis man, despite not being one myself. And I took out that resentment on others when I was young. I was also young and hormonal and didn’t understand the pain I was creating by getting mad at others for being interested in romance and sex. A lot of the ways I lashed out I later realized were especially harmful to women and queer people.

A small part of what changed was growing up. But a large part of it was finding others like me online I could talk to. Even if I never felt like I really belonged in the LGBTQ+ community (I still don’t), simply having the knowledge and experience of others who have gone through the same things accessible to me changed me quite a lot. It widened my perspective beyond just my own pain and let me see the ways I had hurt others.

For some people (who I suspect grew up with access to this community and never felt like an outsider to it), I can see a tendency to view all such harm as strictly evil and a sign of being a bad person. Almost ineffably and intrinsically so. And I see so often those same hurting people calling for harm to those they view as evil.

But that’s the same thing I did when I was hurting and had no support, from the other side.

I don’t think any of the things I said at that point in my life were justifiable, nor do I expect them to be canceled out by any good I do now. But I do know they wouldn’t have happened if people who understood would have just reached out and said “hey, we know what you’re going through, and we’ll help you get through it.”

For this reason, I don’t think Punishing Evil is the way to create positive change in the world. Because the way people learn important moral lessons isn’t through being yelled at, hit with a milkshake, or being punched in the face. Oftentimes, what actually gets people to change is love and compassion.

And if you decide that others are evil and therefore incapable of change, you are not showing the compassion that actually will allow them to change.

I’ve gotten criticism from cynics over this viewpoint many times. Some think I’m too soft and will be taken advantage of. Some are afraid of what others taking advantage of what they perceive as weakness. If you think this is naive, so be it. It’s the truth that I’ve learned throughout my whole life time and time again.

Heya, the internet! There’s probably loads of people who need money way more urgently than I do. And I know that many of the people who find this post don’t have anything to give. And that’s okay. Please don’t feel bad.

I’m not sure how quickly (if at all) I’ll be able to convince the medical system that I am indeed trans enough and I’m kinda getting impatient. I wanna start with my transition. HRT, laser hair removal, voice training. That’s what I’m looking for. At this point in time, surgery is not on my agenda.

If you have more money to spare than you know what to do with, you can financially support my transition with a donation to my monero wallet. Yes, I know, cryptocurrencies are a difficult topic.

Anyway, if you don’t have money to spare, please don’t send me anything. Worry about yourself first. I’ll be alright.

My monero address is:

8Bw2bNJrXHVHPWd2DvWbNdZtJd7HwU7gDE7Hy2u6V5sPFurkQQP7yGxFvUsyTfJjYd9jfz6jvSX8GeeePBKineS5AsK1Pf1

If your wallet supports links, here’s the same address as a (hopefully) clickable link:

monero:8Bw2bNJrXHVHPWd2DvWbNdZtJd7HwU7gDE7Hy2u6V5sPFurkQQP7yGxFvUsyTfJjYd9jfz6jvSX8GeeePBKineS5AsK1Pf1?tx_description=Verena’s%20Trans%20Healthcare%20Fund

I found my first tortoise beetle, look at that cute little round head!

#TortoiseBeetle #bugstodon #insect

@celestia thanks for being interested! 💙

and I totally agree. I’ve heard some vague criticisms of Python from functional folks, and I have to admit that it has a fair bit of stuff in it that I don’t like (each iteration of a loop uses the same variable, a lot of stuff is pretty magic/implicit compared to Lua, a few of the standard libraries have terrible documentation, lambdas can’t have statements or multiple expressions in them, etc.) it’s definitely the most comfortable language I’ve ever used - and the type annotations (and how statically analyzable they are) are a big part of that for me

@Melezioh

for context here are the posts that Mel is talking about

RE: https://mstdn.games/@Melezioh/116428313750179544