when I was younger I was filled with contempt and bitterness for art and artists. my exposure to “high art” was entirely through smug narcissistic assholes who used art as a way to feel superior to others

so I imagined artists being that way too. any time I was confused or hurt by a piece of art, I imagined the artist sneering at me and insinuating that I’m uncultured and stupid - just like my asshole art appreciation teachers did

so I decided that - even though I had a lot of creative impulses - I would never make art. I didn’t want to be another one of those smug pretentious assholes. sometimes I wrote short stories, but that wasn’t art. sometimes I programmatically made glitchy images, but that wasn’t art. I wasn’t some fucking asshole artist or anything. what I was doing was different, somehow

but then I met actual artists and saw that they were shy nerdy beings who were very unfairly critical of their own work. they were the exact opposite of pretentious or narcissistic. they were just powerfully driven to create, in spite of their own self-consciousness

sometimes they make art that confuses me, but it’s not confusing on purpose. they aren’t laying a trap so they can sneer at anyone who admits they don’t understand. it’s just because they want to express themselves on their own terms, even if it ends up being confusing or ambiguous. and I completely respect that

so now my whole perception of art is shifting. the purpose of art isn’t to be deliberately cryptic and painful in an attempt to assert superiority. asshole non-artists have co-opted art to be about that, but that’s not what it is. it’s just nerds making cool things and hoping that others like them, while inwardly thinking that what they make is shit (even though it’s not)

not only that, but maybe I do want to make art now. now that I understand what it actually is

also my art teachers can go to hell

dommy robotgirl, call that a CNC machine

another really interesting Aella article I found. I love her thoughtful and often data-driven approach to lewdness

https://aella.substack.com/p/how-my-consensual-nonconsent-orgies

fuck normal holidays - my shitty family ruined all of them for me. I want to celebrate a new set of holidays based on the seven deadly sins:

1 - gula (gluttony): overindulge in food and share it with your community. this might involve cooking or just buying food

2 - luxuria (lust): entire day of lewdness. maybe organize an orgy or just do an elaborate scene. for maximum variety, the lewdness should consist of things that wouldn’t fit better under ira/wrath, superbia/pride, or avaritia/greed

3 - avaritia (greed): everyone gets an hour (or ideally more) where they can be incredibly self-indulgent - with boundaries agreed on in advance. everyone else treats them in a way that adds to the self-indulgence as much as possible. they have permission to only think about their needs/wants during this time. (within reason, obviously) this will probably turn very lewd

4 - ira (wrath): indulge in bratting, S&M, D/s, or whatever kinks bring anger/aggression out of you or your partner(s)

5 - acedia (sloth): spend the whole day watching movies or TV shows together. maybe cuddle with a partner or eat snacks with your friends. you’re not allowed to do anything hard or uncomfy for the whole day. only simple, easy things that bring you joy

6 - invidia (envy): give old/unused possessions to those who could benefit from them more than you. gift-giving but without the consumerism

7 - superbia (pride): wear cute outfits that show off your bodies, admire and compliment each other, take the outfits off,,, worship each other,,,,, (a whole day of showing off and improving each-other’s self-image and self-esteem to the point of being incredibly self-indulgent)