Posts
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683I try to be very careful about CWing things. sometimes I make mistakes but I want to make my posts as safe to read as possible
I sometimes post NSFW/kinky/lewd things behind CWs. this should go without saying but if you're a minor please do not interact with anything lewd/NSFW that I post
I have very limited energy and am very shy so it might take me a long time to reply to messages sometimes, or I might not be able to reply at all. this is kind of an "output only" account for the most part, but I'm hopeful that I can change that over time
I sometimes use curly braces to {clearly show where a grammatical phrase begins and ends}, like that. you can think of them like parenthesis in code or math, except they operate on grammar instead
kasdeya
kasdeyaI feel like a big part of my inability to get into mainstream storytelling is just that it’s all made by neurotypicals. whenever I read something that was obviously written by a fellow autist I’m able to immediately get into it. whereas 99% of mainstream stories are full of characters that I just can not relate to at all
I bet if I were reading stories written by queer autists, I would be able to get even more into them lol. unfortunately this still doesn’t fix my issue of getting deeply emotionally hurt by most stories, but yeah I’m pretty sure this is what the pattern is - I find neurotypical characters to be really hard to relate to or even understand
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kasdeya
kasdeyaShow content
I was talking with @Shivaekul about games and the concept of skill checks in CRPGs came up. as I was typing up a response I ended up getting really derailed into processing my own feelings about skill checks, so I thought I’d put my skill check feelings into a separate post instead:
first of all I think The Reason that I want to roleplay is that I want to feel empowered. I’m extremely disempowered in the real world, so I want to experience empowerment as vividly as possible through roleplay instead. because of that, I want to relate to my character as much as I can, and I want their story to feel as real to me as it can
the best way that I’ve found to create a character that I strongly relate to - feeling what they feel and wanting what they want - is to base them heavily on a few facets of myself, but change the details enough that they’re still comfortably separate from my real-life issues
but the problem is: because in a lot of ways that character kind of is me (probably much more than for the average roleplayer) I really don’t want there to be any possibility of them permanently failing, dying, being disempowered, etc. I’m only interested in a story about them succeeding and being empowered because roleplaying is all about wish fulfillment for me. anything else would just end up hurting me in a very vulnerable spot, if that makes sense
but at the same time, I wouldn’t be interested in a story where things are easy for me as a player. I think what I want is to take my character’s challenges into my own hands, and play skill-based gameplay, with the ability to quicksave/quickload until I get my ideal outcome. that way it feels like I’ve really “earned” their success, but there was never a chance of permanent failure - just a series of challenges to overcome
with all of that said, the two things that I don’t like about skill checks are:
the outcome is out of my hands. I’m not really in control of whether my character succeeds or not, and I don’t like the distance between me and my character that that creates
one of the two possible outcomes is failure, and I don’t like the uncertainty that that failure might end up disempowering my character, or might otherwise have a hurtfully bad outcome (this is why I obsess over stat points: because I worry that one wrong point will result in something hurtful happening to my character)
so - as weird as this probably sounds - I actually feel safest roleplaying in action games. especially ones with quicksave
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eli (ˈe̝ːli), vampire kitsune
rowanim going to play a game!
looks through all of my 200+ games
wow literally not one of these seems fun 
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kasdeya
kasdeyaRatchet & Clank: Up Your Arsenal has got to be one of my favorite video game titles of all time
I’ve never played it, but it just makes me happy every time I remember there’s a game aimed at teenagers called Up Your Arsenal and it didn’t get censored
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kasdeya
kasdeyaShow content
an action RPG is literally just an action game except everyone has 10x as much health and you have to spend most of your playtime fiddling with overly convoluted menus
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kasdeya
kasdeyathere’s a game called Hyper Demon on Steam that allows you to see enemies in 360°, even though your field of view is only 180°
the way that works is that enemies that are behind you and within a certain radius appear in your vision in red. the color red indicates that they’re behind you instead of in front
I find this entire concept fascinating and I really want to try it. it seems like Hyper Demon is very much an {ADHD flashing colors shoot fast blood pumping gogogo} type of game. and that is extremely not my thing, but I’m hoping that I can get past the hyperstimulation light show and try to wrap my head around the vision system, because it’s definitely a mechanic that I would love to see in other games in the shooter genre
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Someone should invent something that does the thing kubernetes is supposed to do but does it so actively good you want to use it instead of doing it so actively bad that everyone understands what kubernetes does sounds like a Cenobite when they try to talk about it
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kasdeya
kasdeyanothing like a nice sl- nice night of restful sl- nice relaxing sl- waking refreshed after a night of sl- 
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eli (ˈe̝ːli), vampire kitsune
rowanim certainly no brain expert but i think we should stop defining disorders by how they are seen by everyone except the one experiencing it
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kasdeya
kasdeyaShow content
eating pickled ginger out of the jar with chopsticks 😋 (but not too much or Tummy Hurt)
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kasdeya
kasdeyaI don’t know anything about modern web dev but I’m like 90% sure that every web browser shouldn’t be required to have an entire relational database built into it. that seems like it might be slightly overkill in order to *checks notes* display webpages
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kasdeya
kasdeyasearching any tag on bandcamp be like
- video game music
- video game music
- master boot record
- keygen church
- video game music
- master boot record
- ultrakill
- keygen church
- video game music
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Owen
owen@hci.social
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kasdeya
kasdeyaShow content
I’m pretty sure this 9 volt battery zaps better than Zeus and if he disagrees then he can get off his lazy Mount Olymp-ass and smite me about it
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Finn
finn@ice.finnley.devAll tech posts here be like “worked on tracking down an issue with a Flurble deployment for twelve hours. the problem wasn’t in Flurble at all - it was in the Gumbies install. It turns out if you install Gumbies 3.0 over Gumbies 2.7 and don’t do a cache flush on all the client spiders they’ll get stuck in the crystal maze.”
Then you look up Gumbies and the site is one of those scroll scroll scroll types with one sentence per page, like
“GUMBIES is a lean, expressive sharding sandcube for testing and deploying large scale Woodchips playgrounds.
GUMBIES automates and streamlines away watersliding phases, meaning your team can get right to the chipping.
See why Microsoft, OpenAl and Bloingo have embraced GUMBIES in their Woodchips workflows.”
And you get to the bottom and you’re like “I want this guess but I still don’t know what it is”
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kasdeya
kasdeyaoh boy Discord is doing the corporate SPA thing where they redesign their whole UI for no reason and force you to use the new version. if only they had put this effort into using less RAM, or having less input lag, or optimizing their code, or anything else
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kasdeya
kasdeyaShow content
used needles must be disposed of carefully because once they have tasted human blood they become drastically more dangerous
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