so i dropped off my pc at a repair place to test all the components to see if anything’s salvageable after the fire. the repair place is run out of the garage at some guy’s house.

we sit and talk for a little bit about the fire and my expectations before he launches into a political tangent about how the transsexuals killed charlie kirk and trump – who normally has his “deep emotions” under control – will leave no rock unturned because he was so moved by kirk’s martyrdom. after he finally wore himself out, he said “well ms. rowan, you seem like you have a good head on your shoulders. it’s nice meeting someone like you in this crazy world”

me, nodding quietly and doing everything to keep myself from irradiating everything in the room: mhm!

oh yeah, im gifted. i always get perfect scores, especially my ACE score

spending the next month researching 4-FA synthesis to ensure im unaffected by the adderall “shortage”

wait so you’re telling me that medicine that i need makes me functional and feel good? lies

https://e926.net/posts/4563750
Sources: https://i.pximg.net/img-original/img/2023/07/28/12/57/55/110305731_p0.jpg
https://www.pixiv.net/artworks/110305731

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the big truth of nihilism is that there is no big truth. there’s no greater purpose, no higher calling, no point of it all. i think most people with a cursory understanding of nihilism probably know this much about it.

but often i’ll see even nihilists with sentiments akin to “you get what you deserve” or “you receive the energy you put out” or some other karmic law. i’m personally in favor of absurdist nihilism but i think we should be careful what beliefs and meanings we choose to adopt.

karmic beliefs and most religious beliefs are a way of finding sense and control in a universe that gives us very little. in almost all cases, we’re just along for the ride. it’s important to identify points where we do have some control and try to responsibly exert it in a way which uplifts ourselves and others around us. the problem with certain beliefs is that when we assume control where there is none, we can start placing fault and blame where it doesn’t belong.

minorities are often scolded for being bitter or unhappy and sometimes this is extrapolated to justify their position in life. this is a frustrating reversal of cause and effect – most people are miserable because of their position in life. it takes a significant amount of effort to be happy in spite of it all. worse yet, it seems to me that most people do try to be happy in spite of their circumstances – they just can’t do it 100% of the time.

know that life is unfair and even when someone doesn’t subscribe to or live according to your own ideals, it’s extremely unlikely that they’ve brought this onto themselves. no one wants to live a life of pain, unfairness, isolation, or hurt. i choose to judge others by how they exert the infinitesimal amount of control they do have: do they cause hurt to others? do they make life harder for those around them? with a few notable exceptions, i don’t often care what they believe, only what they do.