The longer the relationship with my anchor partner goes, the more I wonder if I have just grown a lot and am capable of getting in a healthy relationship now, or if I just dated a lot of people that were terrible to me.

If the latter theory proves to be true, than we can conclude something along the lines of "maybe I don't have BPD, maybe I was just constantly abandoned by shitty people and thus I have "uncivil" reactions to being abandoned."

Then if that's true, does anyone have BPD really? I mean, what if all of those people just need relationships with people who aren't pieces of shit as well?

...and I can already hear your protests...

"But Rayne™️, people who have symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder go and get treatment and do DBT, and then they get better."

But like, I feel like DBT would just make everybody better lol.

Like, imagine if everybody went to a group and learned and talked about concepts like:

- Radical Acceptance
- Mindfulness
- Balancing logic and emotion and navigating life wisely
- tools to manage intense emotions

Imagine if everybody, instead of being sick hearted queef waddles and hurting people when they had big feelings, they considered careful communication with a goal in mind and used healthy techniques to express a need and/or boundary, and/or used communication to strengthen relationships?

Imagine if everybody, not just bitches (like me) with toxic exes and daddy issues, was reminded all the time that people are neither inherently good or bad, and that everyone is just trying their best...

About the only, and I mean only part of DBT that is specifically good for Borderliners, IMO, is the part about ending relationships that no longer serve us.

Kicking people to the fucking curb as soon as they start festering with toxicity that they're too much of a coward to have a conversation about it has been the best thing that has moved me towards peace.

@salad_bar_breath

"Then if that's true, does anyone have BPD really?"

I'd still be inclined to say yes, but that's because I'm no expert on mental health and it may hinge on those expert scientists on mental health.

I would agree with you though that all individuals should have access to healthcare, and that includes access to care for one's mental health.

I'd also advocate for a world that isn't so damned ablist and maybe we shouldn't be so centered around turning every individual into a neurotypical to just survive in here

@ilobmirt ...as an autistic girlie who had ABA, I definitely hear you about not turning people into neurotypicals.

What I wonder about personality disorders tho (and I'm sticking to BPD because this is something I have and understand) is if they're just a way a lot of people express a certain type of complex trauma or if they're actually some neurotype.

@salad_bar_breath

I wish I could find an essay again that I read like two years ago, about how a lot of BPD shares the same symptoms as Cptsd and how the framing of BPD can be used to individualize larger problems onto people, who were negatively inpacted by others. And how this alligns with similat past patriarchal tactics like, for example, hysteria.
And how all of this opens the questions about what BPD as a diagnosis really is.

@salad_bar_breath

🤝
(ABA survivors unite 💙)

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Sounds to me like the good ol nature vs nurture argument.

I'm inclined to say nature. Because maybe that's just how some people are wired sometimes. I'm open to changing my mind about BPD though.

@salad_bar_breath Yes.

@Vorsos yeah I guess it could be both. Lol.

@salad_bar_breath I’m not sure I understand BPD given this post (and others of yours). From what I’ve read (mostly to understand my mom) I thought one of the more present characteristics was extreme avoidance. Like, I get The Cling, in general (and god fucking knows I have that shit down), but the way you attack difficult topics head on is different than I thought BPD was. (Again, I’m not super fluent. I read some books like “Walking on Eggshells” that mostly I found slightly explicative and extremely unhelpful.)

@FinalGirl Walking on Eggshells is a controversial book.

I do think that some borderliners do engage in what people call "avoidance" (I am not the biggest fan of attachment theory, but I do think its decent shorthand for certain contexts).

I personally lean towards fight responses during splitting. I externally process. I talk things to death. I confront. That's usually a bad thing because when you split, you have this extremely black and white view of the world, so its not the best thing. So, in the earlier stages of my recovery, I walked out and tried to talk about things later. I think that might be taken as avoidance, but I don't necessarily think that qualifies.

Though I get the desire to just lock yourself off from the world when you have rancid BPD brain. It sucks when you have an fp and you really care about them, and you so often want to idealize them like a gross, obsessed creep or flip out on them because you think they're the universe's biggest piece of shit.

...and some bpders do just that.

@FinalGirl I think the kids call this "quiet BPD"