Hallmark needs to quit being cowards and make a t4t lesbian movie

It starts out at the endocrinologist office:

Endo: Luna, I'm sorry, I know you are enjoying your medium sized city life here as a marketing executive. But the only way I can get you more estrogen after that whole incident with the koala that stole yours is if you go into the only place that has them in stock: Snow Hill, Maryland

Luna: Oh no! That's my hometown! Surely returning there for the holidays will be bad

Endo: Also, your ex will be there. She's also my patient, which indicate to the audience that she's also trans and that shenanigans will ensue. I think I just violated HIPAA. Oh no!

Luna: *look of dread* She is so mean and bitter after our big break up 4 years ago!

@salad_bar_breath pls let me know when the casting call for the koala goes out

@stylus lmao I got you 🤣🤣

@salad_bar_breath need!

i demand schlocky t4t romances, we already have scholcky gay/lesbian romances, it’s time

It's a hallmark movie so Luna's parents and the entire town of Snow Hill is very respectful of her identity, despite being mostly conservative white people and having known Luna her whole life. Em (the ex) as well.

Though Em is dark and mysterious because she had a "traumatic back story", which was that she got misgendered by a store clerk one time that wasn't even looking at her, and then immediately corrected theirself when looking up.

@salad_bar_breath “Here in Snow Hill we support each other. We loved Luna before we knew her as Luna, and we love her now”

@jiub they got the one gay bar (and its the only bar) in Snow Hill and its owned and ran by that generic Hallmark gay guy.

Some out of towner gay guy tries to come in and say something like, "I'm so glad I found a gay bar that doesn't let those transes in".

The bartender immediately gets fired up and says they're allies here and he best get the hell out and read up on who threw the first brick at Stonewall.

@jiub

Fox girlfriend: You better learn about that first brick before you catch one to the face

@salad_bar_breath oh no no no this is the wrong hallmark movie trope

luna is the eldest princess of the royal family of an impossibly tiny fictional european monarchy. we can do all the opening exposition in a conversation where her quirky best friend handmaid injects her with estrogen. her parents demand she marry the prince of a nearby rival monarchy to end 200 years of animosity. he’s returning from living in the US for the last three years and will be in attendance at the grand ball tonight

there’s just one problem: luna just isn’t into men

her quirky handmaid gives her a knowing look (they are best friends because they’re also exes).

but everything changes when the prince shows up at the ball, and it turns out she’s a princess now!

the neighboring princess’ parents are transphobic and don’t want to accept her transition. luna’s parents are accepting of trans people but they have concerns about their daughter marrying a woman and how it affects the lines of succession.

also it’s christmas for no reason.

they get super pissed at each other about 75% through the movie, because of some extremely ridiculous misunderstanding. (like, luna deadnames the other princess but she was actually talking to her own brother who happens to have the princess’ deadname.)

they finally kiss on christmas morning and both sets of parents are magically won over by the power of love.

also it’s a trilogy and the titles are
- the holiday princess
- the holiday princesses
- the three holiday princesses (they have a baby at the end of movie two) (the word “three” is ideally inserted with a carat and looks scribbled with crayon)

@Jaytee bitch, how long of thinking of this 🤣🤣🤣

(Fox girlfriend and I are obsessed with this terrible hallmark movie as well)

@salad_bar_breath @jiub his name is jonathan bennett 😤

@salad_bar_breath @jiub but also yes absolutely. key hallmark trope is the very small town that for some reason has every big city business and amenity. honestly it should be a full on gay nightclub. and maybe there’s also a subplot involving the town’s internationally recognized literary scene or perhaps a high-tech research facility (right next to the b&b)

@salad_bar_breath I would watch the absolute fuck out of this goddamn

@soph no same!

@Jaytee
I would also watch the fuck out of this tho
@salad_bar_breath

@salad_bar_breath lmao i didn’t see this till after i wrote my thing so i love that we both independently decided the worst thing the hallmark writers could conceive of happening to a trans person is an accidental misgendering

@Jaytee @salad_bar_breath Which movie in this franchise features the three kingdom-uniting polycule, a not so abominable shifter, and the scheduling shenanigans that threaten to disrupt the winter festival?

@jepyang @salad_bar_breath i know these hallmark movies totally whitewash small towns, but i still love them lol

B plot can be the research facility wanting to expand into the land the B&B sits on, led by a prodigal son of Snow Hill turned evil corporate lackey. the town bands together to stop him and he rediscovers the True Meaning of Christmas™

@jiub @jepyang At the end of the movie, the estradiol factory gets moved to Snow Hill and they end up boosting this small town's economy and kick the corporate meanies out.

@salad_bar_breath Luna’s overeager coworker is anxiously reminding her of the looming presentation she has coming up and even follows her to snow hill. despite her single mindedness about work, she’s there to fully support Luna and participate in any hijinks and shenanigans that Luna and Em get up to. she’s inexplicably and inappropriately always dressed in her business attire, complete with clipboard and pen as she nervously jots down things while frantically trying to wrangle Luna during her snow hill adventures

@salad_bar_breath @jepyang do Luna and Em live happily ever after?

@jiub @jepyang of course! It wouldn't be a Hallmark movie if they didn't fall madly in love and decide medium city life wasn't for them, and they stay in Snow Hill and manage the estradiol factory

@salad_bar_breath @jiub and kiss exactly once

@jepyang @salad_bar_breath @jiub should also drop in that the town founders raised mares for premarin production or something, this town lives for estradiol.

Movie 4: 4princesses4furrious - the town is attacked by cat girls. Turns out there's an illegal estradiol laced catnip operation run by a shady capitalist.
@Jaytee @salad_bar_breath