Alright, after a couple more bad dating videos and reminiscing on my own personal experiences, I'm gonna make a dating advice thread.

So here y'all go lol

Okay, to kick this off: while there are some toxic things that work on some people...

One toxic thing that a bunch of people do that is gross and no one likes is busting out your roster in the middle of a date with a new person.

Like, for the love of God, don't do that shit, no one thinks that's cute.

It's not out of jealousy that I don't want to hear about all the girls you're fucking around with, its just dehumanizing and gross and weird. No one does that!

Next time someone's does that to me, I'm pulling out my roster too, istg.

I'm showing you the nudes your grandma sent me, my ex that you're a total simp for thats obsessed with me in a way she will never be with you, and some baddies that blow yours out of the water...

Like, correct me if I'm wrong, does anyone want to be out on a date with a hot girl and she just starts showing you the socials of the other girls she's dating?

I dunno, some of y'all are weird and love contradicting me, so let's hear it!

Dating advice 2: Listen!

I get it, I'm a loud annoying autistic trans girl and this is hard for me too...

But do you know what will get you way farther than honking about what you're into? Letting her honk about what she's into.

Then after she honks about what shes into, rather than using this time to honk about yourself, try to guide her into honking about herself or something else she's into. For bonus points, give feedback that indicates you listened and are interested.

@salad_bar_breath honk! 💜

@rowan you're very good at letting girls honk, that's why you pulled a goose 😽

@salad_bar_breath i just think the goose is very cute when she honks and i like to listen

@salad_bar_breath If it comes up naturally in conversation. I wouldn't want someone I'm on a date with to act like it's some sort of weird taboo or something, especially since these are presumably important people in their life. But like, I also wouldn't want my date to just show up and immediately present me with the rogues gallery either, because that's kind of weird.

@sidepony oh yeah true, and that's what I'm talking about. Like randomly.

Like I definitely dont mind if my date talks about another person they're dating or even hooking up with in a positive way if it comes up in context or just works...

But like, don't just randomly be like, "oh yeah this hot girl here likes me. Girls just really like me I guess. Etc" like you're trying to explicitly point out your market value to me.

Like, I hear ya, and this hot girl also definitely liked you a minute ago but doesn't now. Um bye lol.

(PS, I know I used the second person a lot but I don't mean like you eilidh, you never did this that I remember lol)

@rowan see, thats why you can basically have any girl you want, you're really beautiful, sweet, interesting, and you LISTEN SO WELL!!!

(I miss you a lot)

Dating Advice 3: You will get rejected a lot. Handle rejections with grace and treat them as learning experiences.

Also, rejections are not a reflection of you overall usually. Maybe you just talked about Arch too much and if you wouldn't of been such a Linux nerd she would have been into you, maybe she's polysaturated, or monogamous and taken, maybe she just wanted sex and you seemed ready for romance, or vice versa, maybe she was just out practicing flirting and wanted a bit of gas, maybe she felt like you were out of her league, etc.

Brush it off and move on 🤷‍♀️

@salad_bar_breath wehhh i miss you toooOOO 💜

...and to elaborate on 3...

More likely than not, if you at least had a nice little talk with someone, they probably at minimum thought you were interesting and cute at first. So, you have that going for you. Who knows, maybe more happened. You got to kill some time, hang out with a pretty girl, and she at least liked something about you. So yeah, you got stuff going for you.

@salad_bar_breath

Also, rejections are not a reflection of you overall usually.

🎉🎉🎉 this needs to be blared out of the speakers. this applies in first dates and 20y long relationships and everything in between and outside of them

Dating Advice 4:

Fox girlfriend wanted me to tell y'all to clean your houses, especially your bathrooms.

Do I really have to say this? Yeah, I guess lol.

I mean I dunno I'm a sleazy bitch and have definitely fucked my fair share of crusty little gremlin girls, so its not a total dealbreaker for me, but its definitely more comfy and better for everyone if you tidy your place up a bit.

@salad_bar_breath i think this is important! if you cant enjoy the time spent with another person for the sake of it, then maybe you should re-evaluate whether a romantic/sexual relationship would have been good for either of you anyway. like, regardless of whether your romantic/sexual advances were rejected, what are you real motivations and feelings if it invalidates your previous enjoyment? enjoy meeting new people with no expectations!! people can be fun and nice to be around 💜

@rowan yes! No expectations!!! (Let me add that)

@salad_bar_breath The last women who did that to me I… shit… I married her.

Okay fine I know I have issues to work through stop bugging me!

@FinalGirl at least it will be fun to get her back once you inevitably gather a whole roster of baddies (because you are one, so it can't get helped)

@salad_bar_breath Ima be like “have fun alone this weekend! Ima head out to the mountains with a bunch of girls and enjoy a six pack of smooth and refreshing BUSSSHHHHHH.”

@FinalGirl damn 🤣 I fucking love that

Dating advice 6: Getting the primary or anchor partners approval is cool and all, but don't make anyone require it.

I don't want to be fucking interrogated by the partner you live with or have to explain myself to them.

You should trust your partner's decision making capacity. Not to mention if you don't trust their choices, I'm not going to ever be good enough for you, and then you're going to influence my new date to hate me because you're jealous af. I'm good.

@salad_bar_breath god i wish. Imagine that. Weekend camping with girls. Everyone sweaty and muddy and making out. Going down on girls in the tent, them smelling so strong it’s hard to breathe. Ungfff.

@salad_bar_breath I do tend to bring up the other girls I’m dating early on cuz like, its important to set expectations well so ppl don’t get let down, and also to bring up sexual health practices. but ppl bragging about it (which this kinda sounds like?) or making the whole conversation about their own sex life is suuuper offputting

@raeaw yeah, its definitely a good idea to bring up other partners and like, if you hook up with people and stuff. But I am specifically talking about bragging here.

@salad_bar_breath I was confused at first until I realized you meant actually going to meet the anchor partner in person lol, that seems pretty extreme
If I have a good date, or a bad date, they'll hear about it and make their opinion known afterwards 🤷 last person it didn't approve of, if she had met her in person first, it easily could've gone like "hell yeah, she seems great!" But after I went on an actual date with her, they had a lot more info about whether she's good *for me, in context*

@raphaelmorgan well in this case, it doesnt necessarily have to be a meeting.

I was thinking specifically about this one enby I kinda dated last year, and their anchor partner was really weird about me and stuff, and was really controlling toward them. They asked a ton of invasive questions surrounding sexual health and Covid caution, and they were mad that we kissed, but expressed it under the guise of Covid caution. It was a fucking mess.

@salad_bar_breath (also yes partner A not trusting partner B's choices can be a red flag for both of them lol. in this case partner B just needs a little help sometimes listening to his own alarm bells 😅 which isn't like, the best, but it's also not the worst case I can think of which is more like Absolute Control Issues)

@raphaelmorgan (ps I also agree it can be okay to have your anchor partner check your intuition and see if maybe yellow flags are actually red flags or whatever)

@salad_bar_breath relationship independence is such a major thing and this is really good advice! while dating, i want to hear your excitement and love for your other partners and how much you value them (and maybe even excitement to introduce me if we’ve made it to a somewhat serious stage of dating), but i extremely don’t want to have to date your other partners in order to date you – either figuratively or literally. if i have to fuck around with your anchor partner in order for us to work, we aren’t gonna work!

@rowan right, like mfers are out here being unicorn hunters with extra steps

@salad_bar_breath if i go to fix my makeup or something and your bathroom looks like something from new vegas, im not fucking anyone in your city let alone you

@rowan so what you're saying is...

I really need to play New Vegas?

@salad_bar_breath only if i can watch and be annoying while you do

@rowan getting chewed on the whole time is how I want to experience that game

Dating Advice 7: Have a sense of fucking humor.

If you're an unfunny weirdo, watch a bunch of Broad City (or something more suited to a humor type that makes sense on you) until you become funny. Laugh at the other person's jokes, unless they really suck, in which case you probably shouldn't date this person.

@salad_bar_breath I'm sure I'm missing some context that makes it worse but tbh that doesn't sound unreasonable to me, at least not inherently
I think anyone who has sex with someone should be able to know the risks they're taking, which includes knowing the risks their partner is taking. The questions only make sense if you're about to fuck, but they make sense to me. And if someone is trying to avoid covid, it makes sense to not want their partner kissing ppl who aren't similarly cautious 🤷

@raphaelmorgan I guess what tipped it into the wrong with me was that despite the fact that we did answer, satisfactorily I might add, all of the Covid cautious questions about both myself and my wife at the time, the enby continued to have conflict with their partner.

...and, this is conjecture, but I'd bet on it, that this person's change of energy after our date and such was kind of influenced by their partner. Then things got weird and I suspect they were involved (I know thats vague sorry, but its a really long story).

So, hopefully that clears it up?

@rowan @salad_bar_breath that’s ok i actually just wanted to teach you about analog synthesis anyway

@Jaytee a dirty bathroom is the best place for music lessons tbh

@rowan

Dating Advice 8: Don't "test" people's feelings for you.

If someone is "testing" you, fail.

Dating Advice 9: This is specifically for the dolls, especially the baby dolls.

Being a trans girl will definitely trim your dating pool a little bit (in a positive way imo, but I digress).

But not that much. There is no reason to get into a scarcity mindset.

You don't have to get into a weird 100-person international Discord polycule, stay with an abusive piece of shit, or date a fucking weird chaser "nice guy".

You deserve better and can have a lot better. There is more out there than you think. I promise.

@salad_bar_breath damn this whole thread is legit good dating advice

@doctor_bimbo thanks 💜

@salad_bar_breath

This so much. Also "No relationship" is always better than "abusive relationship"

@auriblackcat yeah.

I would also argue that no relationship is better than a not fulfilling one as well, even if it isn't abusive.

@salad_bar_breath

Yeah, true. I need to remind myself more of that

@auriblackcat that's an important component of that particular dating advice.

We love to get worked up and have an easy time moralizing about ✨️abusers✨️**, but relationships can suck in other ways.

**nevermind the fact that we're terrible at protecting victims and keeping them safe, and often times we just treat victims like they're the perpetrators. But, I digress again.