Dan Fixes Coin-Ops
ifixcoinops@retro.socialeverybody knows the funniest jokes are the ones that you explain with a service manual
1
3
1
Dan Fixes Coin-Ops
ifixcoinops@retro.social🦊 I don't get that joke
🦝 *explains the joke
🦝 is it funnier now
🦊 ...it's definitely hornier now
1
0
0
Dan Fixes Coin-Ops
ifixcoinops@retro.socialShow content
Pinball machines have a bunch of switches in them and if a single one fails then the game can get way less fun.
Example, hit a particular ramp to get a jackpot during multiball, ramp switch breaks, now there's way less point in getting the multiball, half the game rules go out the window. Very frustrating.
Williams WPC games of the 90's had a feature where they'd keep track of whether a switch changed state over a number of games; if nobody made f'rinstance the ramp shot in several games then it'd try to alert the operator, but it'd try to do so in a subtle way that only the op would notice, rather than a big flashing "PLEASE CALL ATTENDANT AND MEANWHILE DON'T PUT ANY MONEY IN ME" sort of deal. They called this the Credit Dot, which would appear as a full stop after where the game showed the number of credits on its display, for example a properly-working game would say
CREDIT 0
INSERT COINS
but a game that had a complaint for the technician would say
CREDIT 0.
INSERT COINS
The credit dot would show up when games were set to free play too, instead of CREDIT 0. INSERT COINS it'd say FREE PLAY. PRESS START
The credit dot would also appear when a switch that was supposed to be normally open was detected as closed for a while or vice versa, or in some other situation where the machine had been treated so roughly that the computer noticed something was wrong and was asking for care.
2
5
2
Dan Fixes Coin-Ops
ifixcoinops@retro.socialShow content
These days, with pinball literacy on the wane, often a machine will pop up a credit dot not because anything's wrong but because it's genuinely been like ten games since anyone's been skillful enough to make that one particular tricky ramp shot. If you go to an arcade with lots of 90's Williams games and half of them have credit dots, sure it might be that they're poorly maintained - but if the playfields are clean and the replay scores are low, it's more likely that those games are just crying out to be played by someone who knows how to play and is good at it.
Hence, the alternate, more wholesome version of this joke,
Sharpied on my belly at 11am: "Free Use."
Sharpied on my belly at 11pm: "Free Use"
1
1
2
Dan Fixes Coin-Ops
ifixcoinops@retro.socialShow content
Sparkling eyes, red cheeks, wet lips, dripping with sweat, aching thighs, panting great huge breaths that threaten to suck the sun outta the sky, 🦝 oufff you knocked my dot off, thank you, I needed that
2
0
1
Dan Fixes Coin-Ops
ifixcoinops@retro.socialShow content
Looming, all teeth and forearms: 🦝 I'm gonna knock your dot off
🐰hrmmf yes pls
Close, neckbreath and bed-shifting gravity: 🦝 I'm gonna make "I'm gonna knock your dot off" a Thing
🐰 ?
🦝 on the internet
🦝 *pulls out phone, starts gratuitously tooting*
🐰 *knocks own dot off and goes to sleep*
2
0
1
🐰 okay goodnight
🦝 yeah goodnight
🐰 goodnight.
🦝 OMG ARE YOU OK
1
0
1
Dan Fixes Coin-Ops
ifixcoinops@retro.socialIf you're texting with a millennial who doesn't normally use punctuation but who ended their latest text with one of these: .
this is NOT PUNCTUATION
this is a CREDIT DOT and it is a sign of DISTRESS
1
1
0
Dan Fixes Coin-Ops
ifixcoinops@retro.socialShow content
When you don't know whether you need to be patiently fixed or whether you need someone to fuck you up Properly for a change: .
1
0
0
Dan Fixes Coin-Ops
ifixcoinops@retro.socialAw man, I broke the threading
I didn't make this series of toots a reply to the original joke
1
0
0
Dan Fixes Coin-Ops
ifixcoinops@retro.socialComedy tips:
* Make a horny joke that ten people total will get, all of them freaks
* Tell people you're not going to explain the joke
* Explain the joke
* Explain it again with citations
* Praise yourself
* Reassure your audience that it is a very funny and very horny joke
* Realise that most of them didn't hear the joke
* Tell the joke again
1
0
1
Dan Fixes Coin-Ops
ifixcoinops@retro.social🦝 No, see, to understand the explanation of the joke you've gotta read the joke first,
1
0
0
What is the name for the sort of comedy where watching someone try (edit: fail) to explain why the joke is funny ends up being funnier than the joke (edit: that they forgot to tell where you could see it)
1
0
0
Dan Fixes Coin-Ops
ifixcoinops@retro.socialThe post where I linked to the original joke:
🦝 That's a signpost
🦊 That's a headstone
1
0
0
Dan Fixes Coin-Ops
ifixcoinops@retro.social🦝 Great, now I gotta explain the explaining of the joke
🦝 (i mean that'll definitely make it funnier)
1
0
0
Dan Fixes Coin-Ops
ifixcoinops@retro.socialIncidentally Metafilter does this thing where if someone dies people use "." to mean a moment of silence
just... y'know, thinking about that rn
1
0
0
Show content
@ifixcoinops after reading this thread I can confidently state that I need my dot knocked off and then lit up again.
0
1
1
Dan Fixes Coin-Ops
ifixcoinops@retro.socialAttaching jump leads to this joke's nipples and trying to shock it back to life Frankenstein-style because I'm putting off cleaning my freezer's coils
The joke: .
2
0
0
Dan Fixes Coin-Ops
ifixcoinops@retro.social🦊 YOU FUCKED UP THE JOKE
🦝 NO NO I CAN FIX IT IT'S NOT TOO LATE
The joke: .
2
0
0
Robin (going slightly mad)
reb@retro.social@ifixcoinops dan are you trapped in a waiting room somewhere or something
1
0
0
Dan Fixes Coin-Ops
ifixcoinops@retro.social🦊 My last mechanic told me it was hopeless, "Humour doesn't survive dissection" he said
🦝 *poking around with screwdriver* I mean, he weren't entirely wrong, I mean I can bring it back but have you ever heard the phrase "Came back wrong" y'know like in folklore and that
🦊 Will it get through inspection?
🦝 I mean yeah, it'll be different, might shamble a bit like
🦊 Alright go on then
🦝 Rightyho, pass me that needle and thread there
2
0
0
Dan Fixes Coin-Ops
ifixcoinops@retro.social@stevegis_ssg three feet from a sewer pipe 🦝 I'M GONNA HIT GOLD ANY SECOND NOW
1
0
0
@ifixcoinops <whispers quietly out loud> you can do it dan
0
1
0
Dan Fixes Coin-Ops
ifixcoinops@retro.socialShow content
🦝 Alright all done
The Joke: "🦊 got fucked so hard their check engine light came on"
🦝 like I say it came back a BIT wrong like
🦊 I mean it's recognisable, it's still basically the same joke
🦝 yeah
🦊 yeah.
1
0
0
Dan Fixes Coin-Ops
ifixcoinops@retro.socialI'm either gonna make . happen or I'm gonna ruin . forever
1
0
0
Dan Fixes Coin-Ops
ifixcoinops@retro.socialgonna add layers of subtext to every punctuation mark until in 2035 someone texts their kid like
🐀 Hey honey, we're having pasta tonight.
🐁 OMG WTF MOM 😳
🐀 ???
🐁 you know what that means right???
🐀 ...pasta? No, I don't.
🐁 MOM STOP
2
0
0
@ifixcoinops Wait, isn't "." technically for the root domain servers?
E.g. example.com vs example.com.
1
0
0
It'll be like that guy who only figured out that his mum thought LOL meant "Lots of love" when she texted "Honey please call when you can, your grandfather died. lol"
Like that
But with .
1
0
0
kasdeya
kasdeyaShow content
@ifixcoinops this is so interesting and hot at the same time? omg
0
0
1
Dan Fixes Coin-Ops
ifixcoinops@retro.socialbtw the freezer coils were placed somewhere so wrong that I'd have to leave the door open and take out two shelves of food to get to them, this is a Kenmore if you're wondering.
2
0
0
@ifixcoinops Kenmore is just a name Sears slaps on a variety of manufacturer's appliances, so the next one might be completely different due to being made by another company.
0
0
0
Dan Fixes Coin-Ops
ifixcoinops@retro.socialShow content
Tired: horniness indicated by pupils shaped like hearts
Wired: horniness indicated by pupils shaped like credit dots
1
0
0
Dan Fixes Coin-Ops
ifixcoinops@retro.socialDigging up a six-week dead joke, kicking it in the premise, 🦝 "Come on get up you lazy bastard I'm not finished with you yet," flies buzzing up around my boots, sticking my hand up its punchline and puppeting it around for your amusement, clauses jiggling grotesquely in a mockery of life as I make it dance again for a handful of tinkling favs tossed with a disgusted sneer
The joke: .
2
0
0
Dan Fixes Coin-Ops
ifixcoinops@retro.social🐻 I'll give you a fav if you let the poor thing rest
🦝 BOOST OR N'OOST
🐻 Fine, a boost then, now stop this man there's no dignity in this
🦝 Fool, boosts make it dance HARDER
The boosted thing: .
2
0
0
@ifixcoinops I think I missed the original . toot and now I have no idea what you are on about
1
0
0
Dan Fixes Coin-Ops
ifixcoinops@retro.social@crazybutable there were two . toot threads because I fucked up the joke, scroll back in the thread and you'll find the place where I try to sew them jaggedly together
0
0
0
Dan Fixes Coin-Ops
ifixcoinops@retro.social🐹 IT WASN'T EVEN THAT FUNNY TO BEGIN WITH
🦝 Tragedy plus time equals comedy
The comedy: .
2
0
0
Glowing Cat of the Nuclear Wastelands
deathkitten@firetribe.org@ifixcoinops You are beating a horse., sir.
1
0
0
🍋 Superball ☀️
superball@norcal.social@ifixcoinops
*thrilled that for once I am one of the handful who are In The Know* Is there a way we Cool Kids can recognize each other on the street?
1
0
0
Show content
@ifixcoinops see i've long thought dance cabs need a feature like this to suggest (to the operator) which sensors may be misfiring. it would be easy since there are typically four per panel
0
0
0
Dan Fixes Coin-Ops
ifixcoinops@retro.socialEnd-of-year feelings, is it optimism or is it the stubborn refusal to give up? They smell kinda similar
Anyway, stay strong Fedi, don't give up, never give up
0
0
0