I feel like the phrase “don’t fetishize #trans bodies” is misleading to the point of being harmful, because it frames the problem as the attraction itself. like “you’re a sex pest if you find trans bodies attractive, or if you have a kink or a fetish for trans bodies”

I think that’s harmful for two reasons:

• it makes people feel shamed for their desires
• it makes people feel unsafe expressing attraction to trans bodies or fantasies involving trans bodies. they don’t know where the line between attraction and “fetishizing” is so they walk on eggshells

but “fetishizing” is not what this phrase is trying to express at all. it’s trying to say “don’t objectify trans people”

I feel like the word “objectify” has gotten pretty diluted but here I’m using it to mean “to treat someone as an object that dispenses sexual gratification, and not as a being that deserves respect”. it’s the mentality that a lot of “pick up artist” type people have, where it’s like they’re trying to find the secret password that can make {women/trans people/etc.} dispense free sex, as if we’re sex toys instead of people

so I think the phrase should be “don’t objectify trans people”. or ideally it should use a less diluted word than “objectify”, but I don’t really know of one right now

@kasdeya yeah, I had to think on this one a bit myself, as a partner, when I was gleefully enjoying my partner (still am 10 years later). It doesn't hurt to reflect on this a little bit for ones self because it helps you reality check where you are coming from... Still nervous to even talk about it though for saying something wrong or coming off wrong.

@kasdeya

That's all extremely reasonable!

@kasdeya me, over here, fighting periodic internal battles over the fact that I'm very attracted to people with bodies that look like my own, because that's a totally normal thing to do

@kasdeya

When I lived in New Orleans, I found that the secret password that can make women dispense free sex was, "Would you like to have sex with me?"

You wouldn't believe how many people found that kind of honestly refreshing.

Of course, it helped that New Orleans is literally where people go for debauchery anyhow, and I was hot AF.

@kasdeya I mean, I think if you describe your attraction to trans people as a "kink" or a "fetish" that's bad too, like, I'm not anti-kink at all, but it feels like having a "trans kink" reduces us to a sex object, and removes our humanity from the equation, we get reduced to just objects to get horny for

@kasdeya thanks for talking about it. I do have sexual curiosity in trans people as cis, but it is sometimes not to be considered sexualising trans bodies for exactly your said reason. The thing is, that it is a talk I can't do as cis. Trans people have to figure out, what is too much or not.

@kasdeya as a person who is attracted to trans body types and also has great respect for the people and their experience: sooo much this.
Thank you for the thoughtful post.